Interview with Sex-worker

Beauty, beauty is women and much of the time, when prettiness of anything is spoken, it is referred to be as a female. A gorgeous woman feels happy, proud, and much more confident. She feels like an angel, she feels herself a queen to walk on that ramp and win a pageant and always tries to keep herself as beautiful as she is or more.

Beauty also brings in a lot more like the ego of being more beautiful than the other or a competition to look more beautiful than the other but then this is all small issues.

You always love yourself to be beautiful and why not, God has given this beauty and shouldn’t we be proud of it.

I love myself, that I stand in front of that mirror to see the god’s magic sometimes I do think if my eyes would be a bit bigger or my lips a little thinner or the mole a little lower but for sure it’s all god’s magic and surly I do love the way I am.

Then there was someone who loved me more like me. He praised me from top to toe so I was like liquidating like the ice or the candle. Every time we met I was eager for the words he was about to say about me being attractive. Every comment he passed was a compliment of my beauty. He took real great care of me, every step I take he took care of me so, I don’t hurt myself. I was so convinced by him that I loved everything about him and he did everything I asked him to do for me.

We promised each other a lot of things and so did we promise to get married and live a happy life together. He was a constructer and had to go out of the town elsewhere into a city and I was the daughter of a tea estate owner and my father would never accept him to be my husband.

Therefore, we planned an escape from home and get married. We left the town in the early morning before everyone woke up and reached the city and got married in a temple.

He took me to his house and closely there was a construction site he said this is my temporary house we will live here until my work is done then I will take you to my own house. That day I met a few of his friends had a lot of conversations and everyone was happy to see me and praised me for how I look and how brave I was to come with him. We all had dinner together and all the others left.

The next day after having breakfast he left to work saying he has planned a get-together party at his friend's place and he will come to pick me up and I had to be ready by evening.

I did all the work at home and eagerly waited for him after getting ready in the evening. I was so happy to have got the love and getting married to him and having a party and so on.

He came home and got himself ready and off we went to his friend's house. There were many girls and men. They had a lot of gossips then we had our dinner and drinks.

The next morning when I woke up I was in some other place and with someone else with me on my bed. I started to fight him and he pushed me, said it was nice yesterday and left saying I will be back. And I could not understand and ran down and girls were like taken by men to rooms and I was shocked to see all that.

I tried to run from there, I begged, I fought but nothing worked out and I was sold to men’s hunger for ……….

After a week, I was sold and taken to some other place to do sex work for them. Every time I had to do that hurt me to my core I cursed myself for being a woman, I cursed myself for being beautiful and I cursed myself for leaving my home. I tried to escape a lot of time but I only got hurt myself.

It was like trading my body, my flesh and my soul. I was all bleeding, I had cuts, bruises on my private parts but to hell with my pains I was not even considered a human being, ho not just human but I was not even considered being alive.

Just come use like a cloth or use and throw cup squeeze and squash ignore my voice and tiers just enjoy self and say “she is not good at this teach her” what the hell I don’t want this and they want me to do better like I am pushing them and they are forcing me, do they understand I don’t want this. I think yes but they want this and want this so bad that doesn’t even care about me being a human or having feelings.

I am not a cloth to cut me and shape me as you want I have feelings I am not a non-living thing.

It used to hurt me a lot that I used to scream at the top of my voice, it hurt my tummy, my kidney, my urinary tract and my uterus was completely done. I used to cry and squeeze my whole body without even drinking water for days but nothing changed their mind.

My tears dried up and I was used to pain slowly that became a part of my life then I met people many girls who do this, some are forced into this like me and some have no other way as they come from impoverished backgrounds and are not educated. They have no other means of livelihood and hence turn to sex work

But still, this is not by choice but the last chance of survival for the life to go on. We all kill our self every day to take another breath of lifeless life. Every day is a fight with the soul to stay back in the body that’s almost decomposed in the hands of men who respite their frustrations on us.

There is furthermore, it doesn’t end in the room of coffin we live in, but it worsens outside sometimes there is no one man but men around to scrape you like a nut. When you walk and get caught by police don’t even imagine the hatred they have they might also be the ones who tore our clothes in the room but at the station the brutality starts, they behave as if we spoiled the world by some criminal activity.

We take only for what we give but we lose much more than what they gain. Men want it or need it more, much more than women but all they have to say is “you enjoy all the pleasures”. Every day men suck us like the tender juice from the coconut water and scrap us to just dry shell…. and we have all the pleasures.

Feelings, ho don’t even speak of it when we are not humans then who will possibly think of the feelings that we have. People at home don’t think of what we give to get their one-time food and they have a list to get and police don’t even think of our position and behave as if we have killed someone or we do some terrorist activity and the one who gives us a few bugs thinks we live a royal life with their work of honour.

Yes, once it happened, so, I escaped from this hell went to my parents. They accepted me but things out there were much worst for me people making comments making a nuisance. I was not free to walk out of my house and time came when it became difficult for me to even step out of my room. Relatives, friends, ho God, I couldn’t breathe the words they spoke.

They spoke as if, I loved to do that as if I wanted to do this as if it was my goal of achievement……, it was all about their respect, their feelings theirs, theirs…… what about me, my feelings, my respect, my humanity, my life, my body, my health, my house????? I was not their daughter, sister, granddaughter or cousin anymore. I was treated like garbage this wasn’t new to me but my parents???

The last time I ran for love, this time I run out of hatred towards the world I live in. sometimes living in that garbage coffin was much better than living in this so-called respected society which speaks of discipline and rules but does the same garbage that happens in our coffin.

Last few words before I end this, I had always loved myself to be a girl and being beautiful but being a girl is the darkest worst thing, this I experienced in every bit of my life, everything I loved had a horrible truth that I experienced.

So be happy if you are not a girl, be happy if you are not beautiful, be happy if you are not loved, be safe don’t believe in any bustard out there and not even your mother after you reach the garbage coffin, like me.

Goodbye forever