Why I am always lost

I'm staring at the very end of the world, where the sky cuts through the land, where the mist blankets the beyond, and I feel a surge of overwhelming curiosity. 

A sense of hunger that won't go away. A hunger so strong that everything real remains a disappointment. A never fulfilling dream, a plain boring picture, a mediocre face, a repeating music note.... And I'm caught in the midst of it all. There is something happening in my life. Something. But... I don't care to see what that something is. It feels like travelling in a bus and looking out the window. You're looking at the passing trees, the moon walking across the sky, the tall buildings, the shining waters of the lakes.. And they're just passing by. A simple boring act of appearing and disappearing. Everything in my life feels that way.

It feels so empty that I sometimes forget to love people. Because every spare second is spent trying to escape this emptiness, filling it with mythological characters, new worlds, medieval romance, exciting sowrd fights, great adventures, majestic empires... And I build it and I continue to build it, and I spend most of my time there, only to realise at the end of the day that its not real. It never will be. And when I come back to what's real, its already too late. The ones who stood there, staring into my eyes while recalling their lives, they've already noticed that I'm far away. And they know that they cannot bring me back unless they get lost themselves trying to find me. 

I wish I knew what this hunger was. I wish I knew what it wants. I wish I knew why my mind refuses to stay in the moment. I wish I knew why it prefers something so meaningless such as imagination over real people and real relationships. Why don't I want love that won't go away when I blink my eyes open? Why don't I want a world that won't fade away when I snap out of my thoughts? Why don't I want friends who remain even after I wake up from sleep?

Why?

Why does this hunger always wants something so temporaray such as day dreams over ever existing real experiences? And why does it feel so satisfying? Why does it feel less isolating? 

I was saving kingdoms last night when I was trying to watch a movie with my cousins. I was caught in the middle of a tragical romance when I was talking to my friend the other day. I was kissing my lost lover when I was cooking a few nights ago. I was walking the great appalachian trail when I was listening to the lecture in my class. I was catching a killer when I was trying to drift asleep. And this is all I've been doing. Trying to capture beautiful dreams at the tips of my eyelashes, and always trying. 

I feel sad? I run away to a town where I own a farm, and I go harvesting! I feel happy? I run away to the beautifully plotted future of my life. I feel angry? I run away to battle the monsters that are threatening the people of my kingdom.... And all I've been doing is running away. So I'm sorry I couldn't always be there. I'm sorry I stare off into space and refuse to stop self obsessing sometimes. I wish I knew how to come out of this beautiful dream. But its just so beautiful, that its scaring me and I don't know how to come out of it.