Can I be water?

"Can I be water? Can I destroy you and end you, but also have a choice to keep you afloat and save you? I want to slip through your fingers but also have the strength to hold your ship up. Can I?" She looked at me, her eyes were wide and her pupils were dilated. Her smile was slightly tilted to the right and she wanted me to let her in. 

Ever since then, all I see in every face I come across, is that tilted smile. Her existence tainted mine and now I can't feel a thing. All I can feel is how she made me feel once. Terrible, frantic, angry, once-in-a-while warm feelings. I-I've always stumbled my way through life since then, skipping everything that promised me my humanity back. But she was always there, like a thick black shadow resting on my shoulders, whipering over and over "Can I be water? Can I be water?" 

And that was all it took, can I be water? Just those four words to pull me away from everyone that I could've shook hands with and introduced myself to. Those four words made me stare at fhe crowds from a distance, instilling hate for the soical beings while I could've been there, talking to people. Making friends. Its funny, because I don't exactly know what its to be friends with someone. She was all I had since I was born. I cradled her to sleep even when I was barely five years old myself. I was all she had. My parents wanted nothing to do with her. They said she was mentally retarted. She looked a bit odd, sure. But... She was fine. She was my sister. I have to take care of her. What else are brothers for?

We grew old together. She never left the house and my parents never cared for her. But I was always there. I used to spend all my time with her after school. I thought her how to spell because she wasn't allowed to go out. She was almost ten now. She still couldn't talk properly. But I didn't mind her incoherent words. I had no friends and I only had her. But then came a day, and she to leave. Forever. And as I went running to her from school, she was almost gone, barely breathing but she said "Can I be water?" and gave me a tilted smile. She left but came back again. She is still here. She keeps saying those words.

Can I be water?