Weekend Warrior

Oxycodone washed down by an Arizona Iced Tea was a typical breakfast for Carson during his high school years. The weakness and lightheadedness that followed this nutritionally lacking meal was accompanied by nauseating first period Physical Education. Running the mile with twenty four grams of sugar was not nearly enough fuel to endure the physical activity for the morning. Nothing could ward off the side effects of the medication, the drowsiness and vomiting was always expected but never happily welcomed. The then sixteen year old scrawny looking teen had just been in a serious dirt bike accident only six months prior, causing him to obtain a fractured spine along with many other broken bones. An activity that sparked him with such joy was also the culprit to disrupting his development and corrupting his memory. Experiencing life in pain was just the beginning of the tantalizing life changes he began to endure after the big crash. 

“It sucked having a back brace, I had to bring a chair into the shower in order to shower, it was a little dehumanizing”, said Carson, who viewed this experience as life altering. 

High school is difficult enough as it is, add an embarrassing back brace and an opioid addiction and the whole experience is downright terrible. Growing up in Tucson, Arizona he was surrounded by dirt, and a lot of it. The consistent sunshine and warm temperatures made his hobby easier than ever to participate in. A blonde haired and blue eyed toddler, he was a force to be reckoned with, a kind hearted child that was ruthlessly stubborn.The fascination for riding dirt bikes emerged early on and he instantly became hooked. Known to throw tantrums if he didn’t get what he wanted, Carson was set on always getting his way. Before his biking accident, he was full of life and brimming with excitement for the years ahead. He grew up with loving parents and an older sister in a small home in the quaint desert. Growing up, he was undoubtedly close to his family. They were heavily supportive and involved in each other's lives. Sharing a special bond with his father in their love of dirt bikes, this activity blossomed into a beloved weekend pastime throughout his childhood. The days they rode consisted of early mornings where they eagerly picked up some Chile Verde Doritos and Gatorade for the ride there. Carson’s dad recalls their time together riding dirt bikes as memorable.

“It really meant a lot to him and I to do something together, it definitely played a part in forming our close father-son relationship. Weekends were filled with cherished memories heading up to Hot Well Dunes, we would go camping and make a whole adventure out of it”, his dad exclaimed.

 His love of riding came to an unforeseen halt when his accident happened. Little did he know that soon after this, the prescription painkillers foresaw an unfortunate addiction leaving him with only a hazy memory of life as a teenager. No longer were there long and hot hundred degree days of dirt bike riding in his future. Never again would he see the dirt filling the shower drain or experience the excitement that built while driving to their dusty location while blasting the latest Green Day album.

Carson references back on his teenage years stating, “It truly is difficult to remember my life during this time, I remember spending most of my time laying down and playing video games but the rest of it is all a blur.”

 Days flowed into nights where he can only recall staring blankly at the blue walls of his bedroom in complete ignorance. His accident was damaging more than just physically, the painkillers caused him to become overly reliant to stop his mental and physical pain. He would even use them after the pain had receded to cope with his situation. Family members suddenly began to see changes in his mood and behavior, causing them to sincerely believe that he may have accidentally become addicted to opioids in the process. One spring afternoon during his sophomore year of high school, Carson was found sprawled across the white and green tiled school bathroom. To his surprise, he could barely move, as he took far too many oxycodone pills and was paying the price. A student walked in to find him practically unconscious and on the verge of hyperventilation, his eyes fluttering restlessly. Leaving the school in an ambulance, he hardly recalls the event to this day. 

“I had no idea it had gotten so bad until that day at school happened, my heart felt as though it was in my throat as I lay helpless looking out the windows of the ambulance, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be on a bike again”, Carson explained. 

When the distress was soothed by the next dose, a loop of pain and bliss was created, which encouraged this addiction further. The action of tilting his head back and swallowing a pill was  so familiar to him gave him great solace. His pain faded away but the need to ingest another pill didn’t mutually recede. The reliance on taking this pain killer was worse than Carson could have ever presumed and it is still deeply engraved in who he is as a person today. As life progressed for Carson after he became clean from the drug and fully recovered from his accident, he began to see how badly this drug impacted his life. Attending the Engineering college at the University of Arizona, he was able to refrain from the urge to abuse painkillers. Although, he did go through a hard time remembering school content and felt extremely forgetful. Another opportunity for addiction warmly welcomed him as a young adult when he soon found himself binge drinking and in this quintessential college experience, formed a new addiction. Ten beers in a single day was easy for him to gulp down. Blacking out on his crappy stained carpet was not abnormal and it became almost ritual to crack open a Coors Light as soon as he could maneuver his way to the fridge the next morning. In receiving his medical marijuana card to soothe his residual back pain, another dependence embraced him. Maybe it wasn’t the oxycodone itself, perhaps it was the addictive behavior that became second nature to him. He began to notice this pattern in his early twenties and started to become fully aware of his addictive personality. Beginning to realize his problems couldn’t be found at the bottom of a bottle or the end of the bong, he gradually shook off his bad habits.

“It came down to realizing that I didn’t truly want my life to always be this way. I knew that having no recollection of yesterday was not a fulfilling way to live and that I was the only one responsible for getting my life on track” said Carson, who viewed the time after college as painful yet transformative.

More than a decade has passed since the disastrous event and Carson is as capable and healthy as ever. Now, this esteemed 26-year-old has secured a great career with a large software company and only consumes his old addictions in moderation, he has truly come full circle. Accompanied by his border collie and lab mix, Luna, he is able to abstain from addiction and think critically about what intakes. He finds joy in bicycling, a new found hobby that keeps him in shape and makes him feel accomplished at the end of each ride. A usual Saturday morning consists of slathering on a face full of SPF and strapping in his bike shoes into his pedals. In finding this new found passion, he has been able to successfully continue sitting atop two wheels and feel the familiar sensation of the warm breeze against his face. As it may not be the exact same rush as riding a dirt bike, he still can embrace adrenaline while avoiding the dangers of his past experience. Despite his adolescence being drastically altered by this misfortune, he isn’t filled with regret but instead considers it a learning experience and has taken the liberty to educate others about the dangers of addiction when he can. The scars on his back from surgery are a permanent reminder of the hardships he faced as a teenager, evidence that he has evolved as a person. The future of this brave young man looks bright, in practicing self-awareness he hopes to continue cycling and taking life one day at a time..Never cutting corners, he is able to maintain a positive attitude and remain grateful for his life and the cards he’s been dealt. 

“Looking back it was not a conventional experience but, I think it granted me great self control and helped me take responsibility for my life and the choices I make. At the end of the day, it’s you who is in the driver's seat and calling the shots” Carson states, who stubbornly wouldn’t change a single thing.